Words that Work

Rightline Coaching Consulting focuses on how words work to affect human potential for positive change—how words can create, disrupt and destroy connection. Connection, the weft and the weave of relationships, is often first made without the language of words, yet requires that very language for growth and sustainability.

When engaged in organizational consulting or intervening in a small group or large organization, we look for what is not being said as the source for our best information. Consider when words don’t work, when language reduces:

• Beautiful sunset
• Pure joy
• Incomprehensible horror

A few minutes into her remarks at the ICF (International Coach Federation) Metro DC Chapter’s 7^th Capital Coaches Conference, Patti Digh said, “language reduces,” which I found particularly affirming. Only 5 minutes earlier as part of the luncheon program I was honored with the President’s Award, which was a surprise. Only the President and President-Elect knew I was receiving the award, which was for starting two publications and developing a group coaching program for transitional housing residents. Unlike nominees for the Academy Award, I had no acceptance speech scrawled on a napkin, back of the envelope or scrap of paper to whisk out of my pocket.

In accepting the award, I said, “Thank you to the contributors. For someone who loves words, I will be silent. Thank you.” I took more in with silence than if I had filled the room with language. I hugged the president and walked off the stage, without the physical award (inscribed “For service, creativity and spirit”), which is still riding the streets of Metro DC in a UPS truck.

Some ideas about words and silence:

• Hard to speak and listen at the same time
• If you can’t think of anything to say, don’t say anything
• Silence speaks louder than words

A universal need is to be heard and we use words to generate that connection. When we have a sense we are not being heard we repeat ourselves, speak louder, or retreat into silence. Rather than being the perfect way to connect, silence can also be punishing.

Think of times when you connected positively and more effectively with silence than with words. What clues did you have that language would reduce your ability to connect? Language can reduce authenticity. Several of the people who congratulated me during the afternoon made the same comment, “You are such an authentic person.”

Essential for effective coaching across venues and specialties is deep listening. Interrupting a client’s story can be an example of when language reduces.

Do not imagine because I am silent that I am not present and alive to all that is going on.
~ Samuel Beckett