Words that Work

Archive for the ‘organizational consulting’ Category

Offering another view of words that work without words: What do your hands say? What does your voice hold?

Our hands and voice are our earliest, most reliable and effective instruments for connecting. Usually we think we talk with our voices and use our hands for holding. Recent Facebook postings of Tonya K. Freeman and Bill Pinder inspired me to think differently about the multiple uses for hands and voice.

As words create connections, so to do hands create connection. Hands speak and connect through creation: the Pyramids, early forms of transportation and housing, tools, and artwork in myriad media.

Examples of hands being instruments for connecting:

• Hands shake to say welcome to others
• Hands massage to say, “I am providing comfort and relief from pain”
• Hands touch people with dementia who have difficulty connecting to say, “I am here” even though the person does not know you or remember who you are
• Hands touch people who are afraid to say, “You are safe”
• Hands hold people who are dying to say, “Thank you for being in this world,” and to ease the transition into another world
• Hands speak through American Sign Language

Our voice holds much, more than we sometimes imagine.

• Voice holds promise
• Voice holds the power to heal without words through chanting
• Voice holds fear and shock

Communication and connection are essential to business coaching and life coaching and organizational consulting. Thanks to Tonya and Bill I will be exploring how to integrate what your hands say and what your voice holds in my work.

Have some fun and explore reframing the uses of your hands and voice.

• In what ways do you use hands to talk?
• How do you use your voice to hold?

Imagine how much more of your brilliance you could share if you released it when it was good enough. Count the hours and the days and the months and maybe even the years that you may have held on to your wisdom because you claimed it was not good enough.

My background includes many years working with academics and engineers in which research papers, ships and airplanes, and software products required tons and tons of review cycles and multiple levels of testing were released only upon being declared perfect. And thank goodness for that.

I carried that same standard and operated according to it with great fidelity in the less precise field of human dynamics and the sometimes messy world of emotions doing life coaching, business coaching, and organizational consulting. Now I’m learning to adopt good enough as the standard to which I was reintroduced and that was reinforced at Lisa Sasevich’s Speak to Sell program.

What does good enough sound like? Perfect to those listening to you or to those with whom you are engaged. Good enough is perfect in that moment because each moment at the time is perfect. Even imperfection is perfect.

Build the plane while you’re flying rather than design, develop, build, test, integrate, test some more, tweak and then some. Build the bridge as you walk on it. First jump off the cliff and then add wings.

The plane ride, the walk on the bridge, and standing at the edge of the cliff can initially be terrifying as it was for me when I announced to 400 people that I was offering my unique branded system without having fully designed the program. My limbs and voice were quivering along with the microphone I was holding. Thrill quickly replaced the terror.

Thrill replaces terror as good enough replaces perfect. Knowing you’ve helped some, imagine how you’d feel helping more and more people. You can with good enough.

And, still sensing the tug to reread and revise, I am releasing Good Enough—The New Perfect.

Rightline Coaching Consulting focuses on how words work to affect human potential for positive change—how words can create, disrupt and destroy connection. Connection, the weft and the weave of relationships, is often first made without the language of words, yet requires that very language for growth and sustainability.

When engaged in organizational consulting or intervening in a small group or large organization, we look for what is not being said as the source for our best information. Consider when words don’t work, when language reduces:

• Beautiful sunset
• Pure joy
• Incomprehensible horror

A few minutes into her remarks at the ICF (International Coach Federation) Metro DC Chapter’s 7^th Capital Coaches Conference, Patti Digh said, “language reduces,” which I found particularly affirming. Only 5 minutes earlier as part of the luncheon program I was honored with the President’s Award, which was a surprise. Only the President and President-Elect knew I was receiving the award, which was for starting two publications and developing a group coaching program for transitional housing residents. Unlike nominees for the Academy Award, I had no acceptance speech scrawled on a napkin, back of the envelope or scrap of paper to whisk out of my pocket.

In accepting the award, I said, “Thank you to the contributors. For someone who loves words, I will be silent. Thank you.” I took more in with silence than if I had filled the room with language. I hugged the president and walked off the stage, without the physical award (inscribed “For service, creativity and spirit”), which is still riding the streets of Metro DC in a UPS truck.

Some ideas about words and silence:

• Hard to speak and listen at the same time
• If you can’t think of anything to say, don’t say anything
• Silence speaks louder than words

A universal need is to be heard and we use words to generate that connection. When we have a sense we are not being heard we repeat ourselves, speak louder, or retreat into silence. Rather than being the perfect way to connect, silence can also be punishing.

Think of times when you connected positively and more effectively with silence than with words. What clues did you have that language would reduce your ability to connect? Language can reduce authenticity. Several of the people who congratulated me during the afternoon made the same comment, “You are such an authentic person.”

Essential for effective coaching across venues and specialties is deep listening. Interrupting a client’s story can be an example of when language reduces.

Do not imagine because I am silent that I am not present and alive to all that is going on.
~ Samuel Beckett