Yes, retreats offer a place to come together, to retreat from the usual and to move away from daily concerns. Many of us leave these gatherings feeling invigorated, and take with us fresh ideas, a renewed sense of purpose, and often a greater connection with others with whom we work. We get to know others in ways we have not been able to otherwise.

Yet, what happens in your body when you hear, read or say out loud the word “retreat”? Does your upper body tilt or lean back? Do you get ever so slightly tight? Notice your energy when you talk about a retreat. When we retreat we are moving away.

What would it be like if the next time you were offering a special day or weekend away program for your business coaching clients or life coaching clients you announced your event as an advance?

• Leadership Advance
• Yoga Advance
• Spiritual Advance
• Couples Communication Advance

Check out your body when you hear, read or say out loud the word “advance”. Your body automatically moves forward. Test making the shift as frequently as you can. At first you might experience discomfort offering programs as advances (e.g., Special One Day Words that Work Advance). After your first advance notice your energy as you talk about the positive outcomes of the time away. When we advance we are moving toward something.

As you speak and live out loud, make a difference. Create a rich community. Be like the kangaroo or rhinocerous, both can only walk forward. Rather than hold or sponsor a Retreat, hold or sponsor an Advance.

Today’s world of instant, almost infinite information that Google provides presents a readily available opportunity to search for information. In addition to searching for information, some of us search deeper and deeper for meaning that, at first, may not seem so readily available. We search for how we can be of greater service and make a lasting difference.

In my search, I benefited from colleagues and mentors. Adela Rubio inspired Yessence through her energy conscious business mastery. Suzanne Evans and confirmed the need for Yessence through her shift from marketing to movement message: Decide. Lisa Cherney gave life to Yessence through the benefits of the benefits part of her conscious marketing.

From working with these thought leaders, as I gained greater clarity about my purpose, Yessence emerged as a word that works. What is Yessence?

• Yessence is saying yes to your essence; saying yes to your core; saying yes to your authentic self.
• Yessence is saying yes to your world; saying yes to your past and to your now and to your future.
• Yessence is saying yes to making a difference.

Imagine creating a community around Yessence. Explore adding Yessence to your business coaching, life coaching and group coaching vocabulary. 

Consider the senses of Yessence:

• Sight—See the pink and gold iridescent colors of Yessence
• Sound—Hear the do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do song of Yessence
• Smell—Breathe in the sweet, musky, earthy scent of Yessence
• Taste—Savor the spicy, exotic curry of Yessence
• Touch—Feel the fresh, air dried cotton, the smooth silk of Yessence
• Kinesthetic—Move with the full embodiment of Yessence

• Failed relationships
• Lost job or client
• Loss of health

At first, and maybe even for a period of time, you blame your pain on someone or something outside yourself. This can certainly seem much easier in the short run. You blame—

• Other person for ignoring you or in some way failing to do what you consider necessary to maintain a relationship
• Employer for not managing its money well enough to keep you on the job
• Client for not following through with an action plan
• Environment for your illness

After some time has passed you seek and get help from a counselor, clergy, coach or other trusted person. Through working with another person your pain dulls and them BAM, your pain comes back sharply. What do you do? You blame the helper.

From engaging with business coaching clients I’ve come to recognize what I call the Pain Blame Cycle:

Often the client’s pain is the result of someone else breaching boundaries or the client not honoring his or her boundaries. Personal rather than societal boundaries are imaginary lines we draw around ourselves to protect us from other people harming us. These boundaries relate to someone or something we perceive or experience invading or violating our physical body, our space, our time, our energy, and our values.

Blame can seem oh so righteous. This is often the case when I first work with a client. We work through the Pain Blame Cycle so that blame no longer gets in the way of Yes.

In fact, everything is energy. When passing the plate in houses of worship the energy takes the form of money that is visible. I experienced an energy exchange from passing the plate in a non-traditional way.

Rather than receiving money from passing the plate that supports life for others, I received life’s memories. In this case, energy was in the form of a set of plates, one of which is shown.

In late March Mom moved to an assisted living facility where she is enjoying life with her bedroom furniture and photographs and pictures. Last week was time to clear the rest of her house of 51 years to get it ready for sale. Seven of us (brothers, sisters-in-law, niece and nephew) had fun, most of the time, going through truckloads of belongings. Even though my Mom had saved a lot, she was extremely organized, making our lives easier, so much so that we cleared and cleaned and staged 2500 square feet of living space, plus an attic, recreation room, laundry room, storage room, garage and garage closet in 2.5 days.

Among the treasures we discovered were Mom’s grade school report cards, my grandfather’s silk top hat and an ethical will. My daily treasure is using the plates (shown) for breakfast or fruit, exactly as Mom did during the 4 years she had home health aides. When I shared with Mom that I use the plates in exactly the same way she did, she was delighted that I was getting pleasure. In some way she sensed the energy connection. Passing these plates is a spiritual energy exchange directly with my Mom.

In what ways you can pass the plate literally or figuratively for an energy exchange?

Our hands and voice are our earliest, most reliable and effective instruments for connecting. Usually we think we talk with our voices and use our hands for holding. Recent Facebook postings of Tonya K. Freeman and Bill Pinder inspired me to think differently about the multiple uses for hands and voice.

As words create connections, so to do hands create connection. Hands speak and connect through creation: the Pyramids, early forms of transportation and housing, tools, and artwork in myriad media.

Examples of hands being instruments for connecting:

• Hands shake to say welcome to others
• Hands massage to say, “I am providing comfort and relief from pain”
• Hands touch people with dementia who have difficulty connecting to say, “I am here” even though the person does not know you or remember who you are
• Hands touch people who are afraid to say, “You are safe”
• Hands hold people who are dying to say, “Thank you for being in this world,” and to ease the transition into another world
• Hands speak through American Sign Language

Our voice holds much, more than we sometimes imagine.

• Voice holds promise
• Voice holds the power to heal without words through chanting
• Voice holds fear and shock

Communication and connection are essential to business coaching and life coaching and organizational consulting. Thanks to Tonya and Bill I will be exploring how to integrate what your hands say and what your voice holds in my work.

Have some fun and explore reframing the uses of your hands and voice.

• In what ways do you use hands to talk?
• How do you use your voice to hold?

My background includes many years working with academics and engineers in which research papers, ships and airplanes, and software products required tons and tons of review cycles and multiple levels of testing were released only upon being declared perfect. And thank goodness for that.

I carried that same standard and operated according to it with great fidelity in the less precise field of human dynamics and the sometimes messy world of emotions doing life coaching, business coaching, and organizational consulting. Now I’m learning to adopt good enough as the standard to which I was reintroduced and that was reinforced at Lisa Sasevich’s Speak to Sell program.

What does good enough sound like? Perfect to those listening to you or to those with whom you are engaged. Good enough is perfect in that moment because each moment at the time is perfect. Even imperfection is perfect.

Build the plane while you’re flying rather than design, develop, build, test, integrate, test some more, tweak and then some. Build the bridge as you walk on it. First jump off the cliff and then add wings.

The plane ride, the walk on the bridge, and standing at the edge of the cliff can initially be terrifying as it was for me when I announced to 400 people that I was offering my unique branded system without having fully designed the program. My limbs and voice were quivering along with the microphone I was holding. Thrill quickly replaced the terror.

Thrill replaces terror as good enough replaces perfect. Knowing you’ve helped some, imagine how you’d feel helping more and more people. You can with good enough.

And, still sensing the tug to reread and revise, I am releasing Good Enough—The New Perfect.

When engaged in organizational consulting or intervening in a small group or large organization, we look for what is not being said as the source for our best information. Consider when words don’t work, when language reduces:

• Beautiful sunset
• Pure joy
• Incomprehensible horror

A few minutes into her remarks at the ICF (International Coach Federation) Metro DC Chapter’s 7^th Capital Coaches Conference, Patti Digh said, “language reduces,” which I found particularly affirming. Only 5 minutes earlier as part of the luncheon program I was honored with the President’s Award, which was a surprise. Only the President and President-Elect knew I was receiving the award, which was for starting two publications and developing a group coaching program for transitional housing residents. Unlike nominees for the Academy Award, I had no acceptance speech scrawled on a napkin, back of the envelope or scrap of paper to whisk out of my pocket.

In accepting the award, I said, “Thank you to the contributors. For someone who loves words, I will be silent. Thank you.” I took more in with silence than if I had filled the room with language. I hugged the president and walked off the stage, without the physical award (inscribed “For service, creativity and spirit”), which is still riding the streets of Metro DC in a UPS truck.

Some ideas about words and silence:

• Hard to speak and listen at the same time
• If you can’t think of anything to say, don’t say anything
• Silence speaks louder than words

A universal need is to be heard and we use words to generate that connection. When we have a sense we are not being heard we repeat ourselves, speak louder, or retreat into silence. Rather than being the perfect way to connect, silence can also be punishing.

Think of times when you connected positively and more effectively with silence than with words. What clues did you have that language would reduce your ability to connect? Language can reduce authenticity. Several of the people who congratulated me during the afternoon made the same comment, “You are such an authentic person.”

Essential for effective coaching across venues and specialties is deep listening. Interrupting a client’s story can be an example of when language reduces.

Do not imagine because I am silent that I am not present and alive to all that is going on.
~ Samuel Beckett

How have business relationships with people you don’t like worked out? As a trained mediator and through business coaching and life coaching, I know most of my clients experienced some of these relationships. What’s the nature of engagements between you and people you don’t like?

• Do you react quickly without thinking first?
• Do you blame the other person for messing up the relationship?
• Do you blame the other person for causing the project to go less smoothly than desired or even for failing?
• Do you avoid being around people you don’t like to the extent possible?

We can choose to spend time with people we like in our personal lives. Sometimes we do not have that choice in our business lives. Yet, we do have the choice about how we interact. Working together and achieving positive outcomes requires honoring people you don’t like. Use the steps that follow to get started honoring those you really would prefer to avoid.

• Step 1—Write down precisely what it is you do not like about the person. Write only personality characteristics or behaviors. If at first  you write generalizations, keep narrowing down the description until at most five words remain (e.g., sarcastic, failed to acknowledge my contribution).
• Step 2—Explore fully if your statements are interpretations.
• Step 3—Identify times when you have exhibited the same characteristic—most assuredly there has been at least one time you can remember.

People we do not like often evoke the very things that we do not like about ourselves. People we don’t like can trigger a sense, if not a full recognition, that we are operating out of alignment with our integrity. Continue to move toward honoring people you do not like by taking the following actions:

• See yourself clearly in the other person
• Forgive yourself (truly forgive)
• Honor yourself
• Forgive the other person (truly forgive)
• Honor people you do not like

If you hate a person, you have something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us. ~ Herman Hesse

http://www.right-line.com/

Lora knows the foundation of my business coaching and life coaching is steeped in the Action Based Communication ™ methodology, how language affects behavior, and because we have a level of trust I invited Lora to consider the difference between being in private practice and being a solo business owner by paying attention to what was happening in the moment as we were standing. She agreed and proceeded to describe the difference in her stance and the position of her head. “I was wowed by the sense of strength that the word shift created.”

Of course practice is essential on the road to mastery as we do our work, play an instrument or sport and engage in activities of daily life Yet, thinking of yourself in the new world of work requires a shift. The world of work is changing; so too is the language we use. I suggest we offer more and are of greater service when we are in business than when we run a practice.

What is required to be in practice? Is it different from being in business? Or is the difference merely a shift in words? My sense is that a mindset shift is required to be in business. Embodying the change in words is an easy way to shift your mindset.

Test Making a Difference With One Word

Imagine you are at a professional meeting, networking event, on site program or conference.

Practice

1. Say out loud, “I am in private practice.”
2. Notice what happens physically. Get a sense of your body language.
3. Pay attention to your voice. Are you speaking from your throat or from your diaphragm?
4. Write down your experience.

Business

1. Say out loud, “I am a solo business owner.”
2. Notice what happens physically. Get a sense of your body language.
3. Pay attention to your voice. Are you speaking from your throat or from your diaphragm?
4. Write down your experience.

As you practice shifting your language from being in private practice to being a solo business owner get a sense of how much easier it is to connect with and attract clients.

Which word works for you? Practice or Business?

by Guest Blogger Amber Scott

Have you ever stopped to think about your name? What does your name mean? How do you feel about your name? I was lucky enough to experience this powerful exercise Renée Barnow, founder of Rightline Coaching and Consulting, calls “the name game.”

As part of a Free teleclass on the Energy and Physicality of Words, Renée asks her callers to first define their name and then talk about how that definition relates to how they feel about their name. She then asks the group to say their name aloud, concentrating on where you feel it in your body. I would like to share with you my experience of feeling the power of my name.

The dictionary describes Amber as a “pale yellow, sometimes reddish or brownish, fossil resin of vegetable origin, translucent, brittle, and capable of gaining a negative electrical charge by friction and of being an excellent insulator: used for making jewelry and other ornamental articles.”

In this way, I have always liked that I am a fossil. At times, I feel like an old soul. Yet, the fossil has been dug up and made into beautiful jewelry. I am really good at reusing and re-purposing things in life. I was green before the term was around.

I am translucent (like the amber stone), people can see right through me and I let them. I don’t like carrying a façade. However, I am a little fragile (brittle) and must be handled carefully.

Another interesting fact is that I am capable of a negative charge by friction and of being an excellent insulator. Whenever something happens, I always want to protect and shield people. In this way, I am a protector. Moreover, the electrons in insulators are much more tightly bound to the atoms, and are not free to flow. I often find I am “tightly bound” and have a hard time letting go. I live too often inside my head and feel the need for control. I work on this daily. To get out of my head and let go, I meditate, pray, practice Qi Gong and Yoga, listen to music, read, and write.

My middle name is Lee. I like it because of the simplicity. I am always looking for ways to simplify my life. My parents said they were toying with calling me Amber Rose or Amber Dawn. I always connected with Amber Dawn; but Lee gives me my strength. It is where I get my masculine attributes.

When I say my name, I feel it mostly in my throat chakra and some in my heart, as I am a good communicator. However, the more I say it, the more it expands, especially into my spiritual chakra. When I add the Lee into it, my name is felt lower into my root chakra. Lee is a grounding name for me. I often have large dreams and high hopes and sometimes need grounding in the details.

I invite everyone to experience the power of your name by visiting http://www.right-line.com/ProductsAndPrograms.html. I would love to hear what you get out of this exercise.

Namaste,

Mrs. Scott