Good Enough—The New Perfect
Imagine how much more of your brilliance you could share if you released it when it was good enough. Count the hours and the days and the months and maybe even the years that you may have held on to your wisdom because you claimed it was not good enough.
My background includes many years working with academics and engineers in which research papers, ships and airplanes, and software products required tons and tons of review cycles and multiple levels of testing were released only upon being declared perfect. And thank goodness for that.
I carried that same standard and operated according to it with great fidelity in the less precise field of human dynamics and the sometimes messy world of emotions doing life coaching, business coaching, and organizational consulting. Now I’m learning to adopt good enough as the standard to which I was reintroduced and that was reinforced at Lisa Sasevich’s Speak to Sell program.
What does good enough sound like? Perfect to those listening to you or to those with whom you are engaged. Good enough is perfect in that moment because each moment at the time is perfect. Even imperfection is perfect.
Build the plane while you’re flying rather than design, develop, build, test, integrate, test some more, tweak and then some. Build the bridge as you walk on it. First jump off the cliff and then add wings.
The plane ride, the walk on the bridge, and standing at the edge of the cliff can initially be terrifying as it was for me when I announced to 400 people that I was offering my unique branded system without having fully designed the program. My limbs and voice were quivering along with the microphone I was holding. Thrill quickly replaced the terror.
Thrill replaces terror as good enough replaces perfect. Knowing you’ve helped some, imagine how you’d feel helping more and more people. You can with good enough.
And, still sensing the tug to reread and revise, I am releasing Good Enough—The New Perfect.
When Language Reduces—Inspired by Patti Digh
Rightline Coaching Consulting focuses on how words work to affect human potential for positive change—how words can create, disrupt and destroy connection. Connection, the weft and the weave of relationships, is often first made without the language of words, yet requires that very language for growth and sustainability.
When engaged in organizational consulting or intervening in a small group or large organization, we look for what is not being said as the source for our best information. Consider when words don’t work, when language reduces:
- Beautiful sunset
- Pure joy
- Incomprehensible horror
A few minutes into her remarks at the ICF (International Coach Federation) Metro DC Chapter’s 7th Capital Coaches Conference, Patti Digh said, “language reduces,” which I found particularly affirming. Only 5 minutes earlier as part of the luncheon program I was honored with the President’s Award, which was a surprise. Only the President and President-Elect knew I was receiving the award, which was for starting two publications and developing a group coaching program for transitional housing residents. Unlike nominees for the Academy Award, I had no acceptance speech scrawled on a napkin, back of the envelope or scrap of paper to whisk out of my pocket.
In accepting the award, I said, “Thank you to the contributors. For someone who loves words, I will be silent. Thank you.” I took more in with silence than if I had filled the room with language. I hugged the president and walked off the stage, without the physical award (inscribed “For service, creativity and spirit”), which is still riding the streets of Metro DC in a UPS truck.
Some ideas about words and silence:
- Hard to speak and listen at the same time
- If you can’t think of anything to say, don’t say anything
- Silence speaks louder than words
A universal need is to be heard and we use words to generate that connection. When we have a sense we are not being heard we repeat ourselves, speak louder, or retreat into silence. Rather than being the perfect way to connect, silence can also be punishing.
Think of times when you connected positively and more effectively with silence than with words. What clues did you have that language would reduce your ability to connect? Language can reduce authenticity. Several of the people who congratulated me during the afternoon made the same comment, “You are such an authentic person.”
Essential for effective coaching across venues and specialties is deep listening. Interrupting a client’s story can be an example of when language reduces.
Do not imagine because I am silent that I am not present and alive to all that is going on.
~ Samuel Beckett
Honoring People You Don’t Like
How have business relationships with people you don’t like worked out? As a trained mediator and through business coaching and life coaching, I know most of my clients experienced some of these relationships. What’s the nature of engagements between you and people you don’t like?
- Do you react quickly without thinking first?
- Do you blame the other person for messing up the relationship?
- Do you blame the other person for causing the project to go less smoothly than desired or even for failing?
- Do you avoid being around people you don’t like to the extent possible?
We can choose to spend time with people we like in our personal lives. Sometimes we do not have that choice in our business lives. Yet, we do have the choice about how we interact. Working together and achieving positive outcomes requires honoring people you don’t like. Use the steps that follow to get started honoring those you really would prefer to avoid.
- Step 1—Write down precisely what it is you do not like about the person. Write only personality characteristics or behaviors. If at first you write generalizations, keep narrowing down the description until at most five words remain (e.g., sarcastic, failed to acknowledge my contribution).
- Step 2—Explore fully if your statements are interpretations.
- Step 3—Identify times when you have exhibited the same characteristic—most assuredly there has been at least one time you can remember.
People we do not like often evoke the very things that we do not like about ourselves. People we don’t like can trigger a sense, if not a full recognition, that we are operating out of alignment with our integrity. Continue to move toward honoring people you do not like by taking the following actions:
- See yourself clearly in the other person
- Forgive yourself (truly forgive)
- Honor yourself
- Forgive the other person (truly forgive)
- Honor people you do not like
If you hate a person, you have something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us. ~ Herman Hesse
Business or Practice—What Are You In?
At a professional meeting a few weeks ago I reconnected with someone I had not seen in more than a year. Standing in the food line, “Lora,” a career counselor, asked, “Are you still in private practice?” I responded that I was a solo business owner and shared that I never considered myself to be in private practice. Perhaps Lora’s language stemmed from her background in career counseling and now career coaching. Most likely she was using practice as it is used by social workers, psychotherapists and medical professionals.
Lora knows the foundation of my business coaching and life coaching is steeped in the Action Based Communication ™ methodology, how language affects behavior, and because we have a level of trust I invited Lora to consider the difference between being in private practice and being a solo business owner by paying attention to what was happening in the moment as we were standing. She agreed and proceeded to describe the difference in her stance and the position of her head. “I was wowed by the sense of strength that the word shift created.”
Of course practice is essential on the road to mastery as we do our work, play an instrument or sport and engage in activities of daily life Yet, thinking of yourself in the new world of work requires a shift. The world of work is changing; so too is the language we use. I suggest we offer more and are of greater service when we are in business than when we run a practice.
What is required to be in practice? Is it different from being in business? Or is the difference merely a shift in words? My sense is that a mindset shift is required to be in business. Embodying the change in words is an easy way to shift your mindset.
Test Making a Difference With One Word
Imagine you are at a professional meeting, networking event, on site program or conference.
Practice
- Say out loud, “I am in private practice.”
- Notice what happens physically. Get a sense of your body language.
- Pay attention to your voice. Are you speaking from your throat or from your diaphragm?
- Write down your experience.
Business
- Say out loud, “I am a solo business owner.”
- Notice what happens physically. Get a sense of your body language.
- Pay attention to your voice. Are you speaking from your throat or from your diaphragm?
- Write down your experience.
As you practice shifting your language from being in private practice to being a solo business owner get a sense of how much easier it is to connect with and attract clients.
Which word works for you? Practice or Business?
Learning from Your Name
Experience the Power of Your Name
by Guest Blogger Amber Scott
Have you ever stopped to think about your name? What does your name mean? How do you feel about your name? I was lucky enough to experience this powerful exercise Renée Barnow, founder of Rightline Coaching and Consulting, calls “the name game.”
As part of a Free teleclass on the Energy and Physicality of Words, Renée asks her callers to first define their name and then talk about how that definition relates to how they feel about their name. She then asks the group to say their name aloud, concentrating on where you feel it in your body. I would like to share with you my experience of feeling the power of my name.
The dictionary describes Amber as a “pale yellow, sometimes reddish or brownish, fossil resin of vegetable origin, translucent, brittle, and capable of gaining a negative electrical charge by friction and of being an excellent insulator: used for making jewelry and other ornamental articles.”
In this way, I have always liked that I am a fossil. At times, I feel like an old soul. Yet, the fossil has been dug up and made into beautiful jewelry. I am really good at reusing and re-purposing things in life. I was green before the term was around.
I am translucent (like the amber stone), people can see right through me and I let them. I don’t like carrying a façade. However, I am a little fragile (brittle) and must be handled carefully.
Another interesting fact is that I am capable of a negative charge by friction and of being an excellent insulator. Whenever something happens, I always want to protect and shield people. In this way, I am a protector. Moreover, the electrons in insulators are much more tightly bound to the atoms, and are not free to flow. I often find I am “tightly bound” and have a hard time letting go. I live too often inside my head and feel the need for control. I work on this daily. To get out of my head and let go, I meditate, pray, practice Qi Gong and Yoga, listen to music, read, and write.
My middle name is Lee. I like it because of the simplicity. I am always looking for ways to simplify my life. My parents said they were toying with calling me Amber Rose or Amber Dawn. I always connected with Amber Dawn; but Lee gives me my strength. It is where I get my masculine attributes.
When I say my name, I feel it mostly in my throat chakra and some in my heart, as I am a good communicator. However, the more I say it, the more it expands, especially into my spiritual chakra. When I add the Lee into it, my name is felt lower into my root chakra. Lee is a grounding name for me. I often have large dreams and high hopes and sometimes need grounding in the details.
I invite everyone to experience the power of your name by visiting http://www.right-line.com/ProductsAndPrograms.html. I would love to hear what you get out of this exercise.
Namaste,
Mrs. Scott
Honoring People Who Seem Different
At 7:30 AM, May 2, 2010, I started a day-long journey into honoring differences. I got on the Metro in DC en route to the 13th Annual Race for Hope 5K Run/Walk, a national fundraiser to benefit the brain tumor community. I said, “Hello. Welcome to DC,” to my seatmate who seemed to be visiting. In his short response I heard an accent that sounded European and asked where he was from. He said, “Canada,” where I learned he has lived for more than 30 years, and that originally he was from the former Yugoslavia. He immediately wondered if I was from the U.S. because he shared that people are not so friendly here and would not engage in conversation with a stranger. The simple act of honoring this man’s presence opened up a 12-minute dialog about differences among people and how across the world people seem to have grown farther and farther apart.
During the engaging exchange I learned much, so much that I almost missed my stop. While my seatmate and I had vastly different life experiences and observed different religions, we learned that we shared the same desire for the world—positive connection.
As I sat at the corner waiting to connect with others on the Race for the Hope team I joined an array of people who seemed different from me passed by. Some were in wheelchairs. Some were walking on prosthetic limbs. Some had lost their hair. Honoring the courage of the survivors, my cousin’s husband among them, was beyond humbling.
As honoring differences raised money for research leading to positive outcomes from those with brain tumors, honoring differences in business is essential for being aligned with a vision and mission. Honoring differences strengthens the ability to achieve positive outcomes.
Differences show up everywhere. Embrace them. Honor them. Learn from them. By engaging and by observing I learned so much in a 12-minute ride on the Metro, in a 20-minute wait on a street corner and during a 1-hour walk along Pennsylvania Avenue past the U.S. Capitol.
Take time each day, even if you never leave the house, to honor those who seem different. Connect with them in your thoughts and your energy. There is great strength in collective honoring.
- What will you do to honor people who seem different from you?
I strive to honor my clients and make a difference in my coaching business through helping people:
- Increase revenues and sharpen their ability to focus
- Expand their leadership presence
- Sharpen their ability to focus
- Facilitate strategy development sessions
… And more!
I honor and embrace differences in both my personal and business life. Honor is one word that makes a difference. Make a difference with honor.
The Honor System
April is the month of my birth and in the last 2 years rather than celebrate myself I have been honoring others, both personally and professionally. As we close out the month I honor those who brought me into the world and brought me up in the world. I have learned much from my parents who taught best by honoring who they were. Even though my father has been dead for almost 25 years I still reach out to him and honor wishes he requested many decades ago.
In the past 4 years, honoring my Dad’s wish to take the best care of my Mom has provided my richest learning and given me a much deeper understanding of the honor system than I ever imagined. Honoring my Mom’s wishes for how she wanted to be cared for was quite the challenge. I’ve shared some of those challenges in earlier blog posts.
By continuing to honor my parents wishes that when Mom could no longer take care of herself she have 24/7 aides while still living in her house, I was no longer honoring my Mom’s well being or honoring myself as her care manager. The roving band of 20 aides gave new meaning to the word caretaker. They took much more than they ever gave—stole physical items and abused property and my Mom. Only 3 deserved to be called caregivers.
After much research and preparation and getting my Mom’s commitment to and then fierce resistance and finally refusal for a 3-month trial—that began at the end of March—she has blossomed in assisted living. She has developed trust and is building relationships.
In building a great relationship, whether it’s with your business, your family or even yourself, a Code of Honor~~Honor System~~brings out the best from all involved.
As in your personal life, in business best results come when you have an honor system. The business Code of Honor is based on trust, integrity, and honesty. The way you conduct your business affects the lives of many others as well as your own.
In business the honor system gives a more welcoming feeling to customers. Those who are treated with honesty, trust and integrity are more likely to return to your business, whether on line or in person, which in turn increases the amount of business you do. It’s a win-win for all.
There are so many ways to honor and as this month comes to an end the highest honor and best birthday gift is that Mom decided on her own to make her temporary home a permanent one, less than 1 month into her trial. She is living well and once again claiming, “I am enjoying my old age.” My Dad’s wish that I take the best care of my Mom has been realized.
Losing the Competitive Advantage: A Winning Business Strategy
Businesses have been primed to beat the competition and to make a killing for decades if not centuries. Management and marketing principles are often taught using military strategies as analogies. Many a team meeting focuses on how to best gain advantage over competitors. And, business 
development and strategic planning involve competitive analysis. How does winning at any cost really add up? How does working to gain and maintain competitive advantage from the top affect the bottom line?
The more harsh, violent language of competition can take its toll on the bottom line and the well being of business owners and employees. We physically react to harsh words, even though we may be inured to this as the standard in business communication.
Yet in the natural order, being at the top and having the competitive advantage is merely transitory. The new global economy is part of the evolutionary process. And because we are not returning to things the way they were we are called on to be different and to operate differently.
Who and how will you be different in business in the new economy? Will your language use words that work? Will you consider that losing the competitive advantage is a winning business strategy?
What physical sensations do you experience when you hear the word competition? What about when you hear the word collaboration?
Sustainability in the new economy requires losing the competitive advantage. Shifting from a competitive to a collaborative stance is a winning business strategy. Some of the following benefits will result from such a shift:
- Create greater gains across multiple businesses
- Move from the power of one to the power of many
- Expand spheres of influence from me to we
- Serve more people
Collaboration~~Word that works for a winning business strategy.
Hope is Not a Business Strategy
Do you use hope as a strategy to get the results you want? Think about how much of your work life you spend hoping the prospective client will sign up to work with you. The position for which you are being considered will be offered? That things will work out? Is hope a word that works in business?
“I hope things work out,” is a sentence I hear frequently from coaching clients, who early on in our coaching relationship relied on hope as a business strategy.
Professional in Career Transition—Some of the coaching was around interviews in a job search. My client had been searching for many months without success and beginning to feel desperate. During one coaching conversation about an upcoming interview, the client offered, “I hope things will turn out OK.” I asked her to explore how she experienced herself saying hope, and she responded, “Weak.” By describing how she was sitting with her shoulders bent forward and her eyes looking slightly down she was able to get a deeper sense of how hope was not a word that worked. Through reframing talking about interviews to, “I trust things will turn out OK,” the client experienced herself more positively and within three months had two job offers.
Small Business Owner—Some of the coaching was about severing a business relationship with her most demanding client that she continued to hope would work out. My client did not get paid on time and when she was paid, she received only partial payment. She was doubtful about ever getting paid in full. Yet, she maintained the relationship because she continued hoping for both payment and for “big money” clients this partially paying client promised. My client was overwhelmed, uncomfortable, not aligned with her values, and unable to focus on her prompt, fully paying clients. When I asked her to describe how the word hope was working for her from the purely physical aspects, she said, “My shoulders and neck hurt, my throat feels tight, I have a heavy weight on my back. I am walking in mud.”
If you hope to get clients, a job, sell a product or that things will work out, you are wasting your time. Check out what physically happens when you hope. What shape is your body in? Are your head, neck, and shoulders aligned? How does your throat feel when you speak the word hope out loud? How solid do your feet feel touching the floor? What energy vibrations do you sense when you use hope as a business strategy?
Hope is definitely a word that works in settings other than business and sometimes is the best and only strategy.
While hope may be a campaign strategy that helps win an election, hope does not win the vote of clients, customers or employers. As a business strategy, hope is a word that does not work. In business, replace hope with expect to get positive results.
Amusing on White~~A Musing on White
Several titles came to mind such as Musings on White, The Wonders of White, Snow White, and I settled on Amusing on White~~A Musing on White as this post is a bit silly as I am choosing to judge it. Oh yes, Ms. Acceptance is being judgmental. This post is intended to amuse. Enjoy.
In preparation for huge snow predicted for Metro DC area where I live, I picked up a few items at the grocery store Thursday afternoon. Needed only milk—white.
Imagining being snowed in for at least 3 days (I am writing on day 3) as I have shoveled only enough of the 27+ inches to get out the front door (have 50 feet to go simply to get to the sidewalk and the beautiful white stuff is heavy and frozen), I wanted to make mashed potatoes, one of my favorite comfort foods. So, I bought a bag of Idaho potatoes—white.
I could have bought Yukon Gold, which I prefer. None were available as the pickings were already slim on Thursday. Snow did not start until 10AM Friday.
In Wednesday’s paper I read a recipe for curried cauliflower that appealed to me, so into my hand carry basket went a head of cauliflower—white.
Another comfort food made its way into my bright purple basket, a can of Progresso New England Clam Chowder—white
Remembering I was low on 3-hole lined paper and that I was scheduled for some teleclasses, I added the paper to my purchases—white (OK, there are blue lines and one red on each sheet).
Only upon checking out did I notice that everything I bought was white. Only upon putting away the items once home did I realize I had forgotten to get plain yogurt—white.
White was the view from every window Friday and yesterday. Snow white has been the color the past few days; gorgeous white, hugging trees and every other surface. I am surrounded by white.
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