What If Leaping Felt Only Like Skipping?
Now 2 weeks after leaping across country from Washington, DC to San Diego to live for the winter, I am curious if I really leapt. Okay, so I did something totally different and moved to the unknown that affects every aspect of my life and every aspect of my life in business. Yes, what I called leaping included the companions of anxiety and excitement. Yet, now that I’ve been living here for 2 weeks my leaping felt more like skipping.
What I did that allowed me to leap:
- Wrote a detailed plan as underlying support structure so I knew I would have everything I needed to operate two small businesses—real estate rental, coaching and consulting—and live what I call The Big Easy
- Focused only on moving, my leap
- Stopped at every corner where choices could distract me and chose to travel a one way street from DC to San Diego
- Dropped activities that did not support the plan
- Acted on the plan (a plan without action = 0)
My first 2 days I spent nesting and getting oriented to the neighborhood and to the fact that the ocean is west with other places being east. I felt at home almost immediately, having brought a few items I consider essential, the most impo
rtant of which were from my meditation space in my bedroom in DC (shown here in my bedroom in San Diego).
The past 2 weeks I have truly been living where every day is paradise. Leaping was my right line. What clues led me to knowing? Once I leapt I felt as if I had merely skipped.
How can you tell if leaping is your right line?
- Assess where you are in your business
- Ask yourself if you are using being in business as an excuse that is holding you back from things to do, or places to go that you’ve always wanted to see and experience
- Develop a plan that will support your leap and your business if you discovered that you have been holding yourself back from realizing a dream
- Know you will still be in business after your leap; you will simply be in business differently as you will be in life differently
- Write down your plan
- Review your plan with your business team
- Include everything you can possibly imagine in your plan; then think beyond that list
- Example: Yesterday an issue with rental property arose related to cable service and although I had fleetingly thought to give the company my property manager’s name so he could access the account I didn’t. By the end of the day issue resolved.
- Act with confidence
- Love the process
- Trust yourself
- Embrace snags
- Example: Fess up time—I didn’t fully embrace being stuck overnight at O’Hare en route from DC to San Diego
- Know that you already have everything you need before you leap
Yes, I did leap. Now everything feels easier, even the challenges. Yes, I feel like a young kid who is gleefully skipping.
Leap: How this Word is Working
Sitting in the United Club at Reagan National Airport describes only a small bit of my physical stance. I’m actually leaping into a dream I’ve had for many years: living in San Diego in the winter. I’m poised, well, OK I am not exactly poised in the prim and proper sense of the word, at the edge of excitement and anxiety. These fraternal twins are residing somewhat uncomfortably in my heart, which since this morning has been beating a bit more staccato-like than its usual purring and humming.
Leap and the net will appear is a phrase used in business coaching and life coaching. More than a phrase is the action of actually leaping. Clients I have supported share how leap is more than a word that works. They’ve described how, even with all their preparation that provided a sense of comfort and added to the excitement, that at the time they leaped─for them it was doing business differently in a big way─tinges of anxiety traveled through their bodies.
So it is with me. Less anxious since I started writing this post.
- Tip: When you experience anxiety, start writing. Write anything.
I’ve been mentally preparing to make the leap for a long time. The beauty of doing business in the virtual realm allows us to work from any place in the world in which we want to take up residence. I’ve been fiscally preparing to make the leap for not nearly so many years as my mental activity. I’ve been physically preparing to make the leap for a few weeks. I started deciding what to ship to make the apartment mine after selecting the unit and applying for a short-term lease. As for preparing emotionally, even with all the visioning about living in San Diego as my right line, I am focusing on staying present, and at the moment I am relaxing into the reality of my leap.
Quote in bedroom in apartment
So in the moment as I sit here, leap is a word that works as my right line. The picture is of a plaque that is the first thing you see in the bedroom in the apartment. Each time I enter the room, this will be a wonderful reminder about how the word leap is working as an experience.
I have committed to spend time at the end of each of my 70 Days in San Diego to write, “What I Liked Best About Today,” in a new beautiful journal.
Leap is a word that is working and transforming into curiosity.
How could leap be a word that works for you?
Clear the Fear: Moving Forward in Business
Is the path you are in your business on clear? As you move on your path do you stumble across debris because you’re not paying attention to where you are going? Indeed, do you ask yourself where do you want to go? Where is your business headed? What sensations do you experience in your body as you read these questions? Fear is often most easily recognized emotion physiologically: a tingly sensation in your hands or arms, shallow breathing or a faster heart rate. If you experience these sensations, do you also hear a voice? What is it saying? If the voice is keeping you from being on a clear path or on a path you can easily clear, it may be time to clear the fear.
Fear creates uncertainty in the folks you want to attract. Fear has a purpose and that purpose is to keep you stuck. Before addressing where your business is headed, you need to free yourself from fear and get clear. To clear the fear, keep focused on the end goal while being aligned in the now.
Fear is about the future. Fears of what the future will be like limit and block us from pursuing our passions. Can you identify with these common fears?
- Fear of failure
- Fear of success
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of falling
- Fear of public speaking
- Fear of change
- Fear of uncertainty
- Fear of not being good enough
- Fear of not knowing enough
- Fear of the dark
- Fear of knowing yourself
Fear is about what is not yet thought, said or done and sounds like the following statements:
- “Afraid if I do this, then x will happen.”
- “Afraid if I say this, then x will happen.”
- “Afraid if I think this, then x will happen.”
- “Afraid if I feel this. then x will happen.”
Fear says, “I can’t. I won’t.”
To transform rather than overcome fear, invite business coaching clients to have a conversation with their fear. If conversing with fear feels awkward, use crayons or colored markers to draw fear instead. By engaging in either activity—having a conversation with fear and drawing fear—you change the shape of fear and you change your relationship with fear. You’ve transformed fear. You’ve cleared the fear.
Fear is useful. Fear has value. Fear can be a great teacher. Let go of fear and clear the debris from your future. Release the worry, which, like fear, is only about the future. Clear the fear. Doing so keeps you in the present so you can move clearly forward to the future.
Moving from Knowing to Connecting
We think with our heads, feel with our skin, believe with our hearts, and know from our gut. In our power center lies the knowing. Yet, how do we get to the knowing? And how do we get beyond the knowing?
Athletic coaches encourage the performer to “act as if” she or he has won. Directors also use the same routine of “acting as if” with stage performers. Business coaches use this method as well to help sales people improve presentations. Working with clients along the think, feel, believe, know progression helps them “act as if” they have connected, in this case, made the sale.
In sales presentations coaching, I observe clients’ body language and hear their voices change as they move along the think, feel, believe, know progression. The progression moves along a path toward increasing certainty. Uncertainty kills the opportunity to connect.
Clients reported feeling uncertain when they first rehearsed using their own words, which commonly were think, feel, believe. Their voices and bodies reflected that uncertainty. When they rehearsed with, “I know/we know our method . . . .” they reported a sense that they were beginning to create a connection with the potential buyer of their services. Their voices were stronger and they stood up straighter when they said know.
An even stronger connection is possible if none of the above words is used: “Our method. . . .” Eliminating think, feel, believe, and know creates a simple, clear, direct route to a connection.
Examples
- I think our product is the best in its class.
- I feel our product is the best in its class.
- I believe our product is the best in its class.
- I know our product is the best in its class.
This progression is commonly used in sales training: moving from think to feel to believe to know to eliminating think, feel, believe, and know. In sales presentations, think, feel, believe, and know clutter the space between you and your desired outcome. The words are fillers that disrupt the communication flow. Creating a connection requires open space.
Our product is the best in its class. You’ve removed yourself and created space for connection to occur.
Imagine you are the marketing manager for a consumer products company and are considering buying a customer relationship management system. To help make the decision, you requested oral proposals from five different vendors. Marketing representatives from five companies made product presentations to you.
- The person from Company A stated, “I think our customer relationship management system exceeds your requirements.”
- The person from Company B stated, “I feel our customer relationship management system exceeds your requirements.”
- The person from Company C stated, “I believe our customer relationship management system exceeds your requirements.”
- The person from Company D stated, “I know our customer relationship management exceeds system your requirements.”
- The person from Company E stated, “Our consulting customer relationship management system exceeds your requirements.”
- Which company appeals to you the most?
- Which company created a connection?
- Are you making connections in your business and personal life?
- Are you leaving space for the connection to occur?
- How can you bring this “sales presentation” strategy into your personal life?
Weighing Knowledge and Wisdom
Remember the characters in Winnie the Pooh, all with different personalities and ways of thinking and acting? Benjamin Hoff makes an interesting observation about these characters in the book, The Tao of Pooh. “While Rabbit’s little routine is that of Knowledge for the sake of Being Clever, and while Owl’s is that of Knowledge for the sake of Appearing Wise, Eeyore’s is Knowledge for the sake of Complaining About Something. As anyone who doesn’t have it can see, the Eeyore Attitude gets in the way of things like wisdom and happiness, and pretty much prevents any sort of real Accomplishment in life.”
While the characters in Winnie the Pooh are chasing some type of Knowledge, that does not necessarily correlate to wisdom. Being a word person, or “wordie,” I wonder what actually correlates to wisdom? How does the endless cycle of obtaining knowledge block this wisdom? If not found in knowledge, where is wisdom found?
In a recent teleseminar, Eiji Morishta proclaimed, “Experience turns knowledge into wisdom.” Aha! Yes! Absolutely! Wisdom is often found in our mistakes. Wisdom shows up as action and the ability to decipher the correct action (or inaction).
Some of my coaching clients express anxiety over not having an advanced degree, and most have an amazing amount of experience. I ask them, “Do you want an employee, boss or teammate who is full of knowledge and information yet does not possess the wisdom to make judgments and decisions that serve you or the organization?” Knowledge can hold you back as you rely on books and teaching. We need wisdom to find new solutions and use the research to reinvent, especially in this economy.
How are some of my thoughts on how I weigh Knowledge and Wisdom as Words that Work:
- Knowledge, while good to have, is somewhat useless until acted on
- Action leads to wisdom
- Knowledge can easily remain dormant or asleep in the brain
- Wisdom is alive in the body
- Knowledge gained from years in traditional forms of education, often spending lots of money that may not have a high rate of return
- Wisdom gained from years simply being, yes, often at high price, with a priceless rate of return
- Knowledge may require steps to recall
- Wisdom is instant recall
- Knowledge is mental
- Wisdom is emotional and spiritual
- Knowledge changes over time in books and education
- Wisdom is timeless, it relies on experience
- Knowledge is often overly confident, cocky
- Wisdom is calm, peaceful, unwavering
- Knowledge is excessive talking and rigid
- Wisdom is listening, absorbing, and flexible
- Knowledge is limited
- Wisdom is unlimited
As I’ve shown graphically, Knowledge weighs more than Wisdom and can be a burden. Wisdom is lighter. Wisdom is light.
How do you weigh knowledge and wisdom? Would you rather be wise or knowledgeable?
Learning sleeps & snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe. ~ Josh Billings
Eye of the Storm: Staying calm and centered in your brilliance
Hurricane Dancers
The week of August 22 created a wonderful opportunity to practice staying calm in the midst of chaos and confusion. We experienced an earthquake on the east coast, and then a hurricane, all in the same week. The breadth of the storm was enormous—stretching for miles.
As I write this, some people still do not have power in the metro DC area. Others on the east coast are dealing with receding flood waters and damage to homes, cars, and businesses. Others are dealing with injuries and in some cases the death of a loved one.
Taking my morning walk, I am surrounded by debris, branches, sticks and other items that were blow around in the wind. I am careful to step over the big items that are too heavy to pick up and move the little ones to safety. I notice the items. The branches bring a new landscape. Indeed there is beauty in destruction, in change. The branches needed trimming. The trees are lighter, relieved of their burden, before going into winter. Now, there is more room to grow next spring.
Ami
d the aftershock of the earthquake a few days before and the media hype and frenzy over the impeding arrival of Hurricane Irene, I relaxed into the calm before the storm. As the storm raged outside, I relaxed into the eye of the storm. I remained centered. I was calm. I was quiet. I knew I was safe. This affirmed why people call me the Agent of Calm. This is my why—Guiding others to thrive in tough, confusing and chaotic times as a life and business coach.
Ask yourself the following questions about your operating style:
- Is there something in your life or business in need of trimming?
- Do you need to lift a weight off your shoulders?
- Do you need to make room for growth?
- Are you having trouble seeing clearly amidst the raging storm of life?
- Are you aware of the advantages in change and chaos?
- Do you spend a lot of time resisting difficult or unwanted changes?
- Do you watch the chaos and change with a detached sense of awe?
- Are you merely surviving, or are you thriving?
- Are you operating from a place or fear or anxiety, or from a place of curiosity?
- Are you the eye of the storm?
- Do you stay calm and still while chaos, destruction, and wind rage around you?
- Are you centered (like the eye of the storm)?
- Is your power in returning to your center?
I invite you to be in the eye of the storm. Imagine you are the eye of the storm. What do being in the eye and being the eye mean to you in nature, in family, and in business? Perhaps, indeed, you truly are the eye of the storm. When you are the eye of the storm your brilliance swirls around you. When you are the eye of the storm you are at peace in your power.
Returning to Center
Summer is almost at an end and we are preparing for the end of summer vacations, the hustle and bustle of school, crisper and cooler weather, the fall harvest, and the shedding of the leaves. We have worked so hard plowing the land, seeding, watering, and weeding. Now it is time to start enjoying fully the bounty of the harvest. In this slow (and hot) period between seasons—the end of August and the beginning of September, even if school is no longer a regular part of life and even if vacations occur at different times of the year than summer, our body still carries the memory of this time of year as the time to return to center. So make sure to allow time for returning to your center during the between times. This is an excellent opportunity to bring your business goals and personal goals in line with the changing season and final quarter of the financial year.
Going inward, when the seasons change and especially when each day we gain more darkness than light, will prepare you and your business for the next phase. This is a time to govern your thinking and thoughts. Return to your central core, nourish, generate, and continue to ripen the fruits of your labor. Take care of yourself. Remember to stay balanced and grounded. Give to your community, friends, and clients, in a balanced way to what you are giving yourself. The balanced way may at first glance seem unbalanced on any given day or week, yet over the time of returning to your center, you will be balanced.
Here’s an exercise for returning to center that I invite business coaching and personal coaching clients to do any time they get lost or stuck, and especially as the seasons change.
- Sit in a clean, organized, and comfortable room—clearing the space will in turn clear your mind
- Create sacred space by lighting a candle or using aromatherapy
- Concentrate on your breath
- Bring forward an affirmation or visualization or concentrate on a picture or object
- Focus
- Stay with the present moment
- Acknowledge thoughts wander to the past or future and guide them gently to the present moment
- Accept whatever comes up and whatever happens
- Be free of judgment
While we have little control over our lives and the lives of others, we have complete control over our thoughts, attitudes, choices and actions. Our central point of control, as author Louise Hay says, is in the present moment. Your thought at this exact moment helps shape your future. Use this slow, hot time in August to prepare for your future. Return to your center, ground yourself, and use your personal power in the present.
Managing Expectations
Here at home in Washington, DC, we are harvesting the gardens we planted earlier in the year and enjoying the bounty. We planted with the full expectation that come summer we would be enjoying the fruits and vegetables of our labors. Gardeners and small business owners plant seeds and do what it takes to nurture them for visual beauty, edible consumption or valued client relationships.
What happens physically when our expectations are met? Perhaps you have an elated, expansive feeling that often leads to gratitude and reverential quiet. We feel totally at one from the crowns of our heads to the tips of our toes.
Sometimes, though, our gardens fall prey to the unexpected: inclement weather, insect invasion, poor planning. The wise home farmer learns from unpredictable and unforeseen events that dash expectations. The farmer takes in the lesson, and moves on. So, too, the small business owner.
How do you manage your expectations? What happens when one of your expectations is unfulfilled? What senses take over in your body?
Perhaps you experience a closing in, disappointment, or even anger. Our body’s resilience teaches us and helps us move on. Eventually, the low feelings fade, though they may come back every now and then. Setting a time limit for the negative feelings—15 minutes or some other short period; please do not allow yourself to take a full day—is one way to nurture your resilience.
As small business owners, like the home farmer, we have expectations of ourselves and those with whom we work. The same lesson for cultivating resilience in the face of disappointment that holds true for our bodies holds for our business lives. The physical sensations of contraction connected with disappointment and sadness can make it harder to connect with clients, to be in business the way we want to be.
You did not win the contract you expected. A prospective client who committed to pay her retainer did not follow through. Your partner missed a major deadline. How can you manage unrealized expectations?
- Be curious
- Think in terms of “Please help me understand” or “Can you me help understand?”
- Do something to relax your body
- Ask yourself, “What made me have the expectation? What happened that my expectation wasn’t fulfilled the way I imagined?”
My operating principle—that everything happens for a reason—means we don’t need to know what the reason is, simply that there is one. This helps me manage expectations of myself and in my business.
. . . It’s reasonable for me to have expectations based on what somebody I trust has committed to. And it’s natural for me to feel disappointed when that somebody doesn’t come through. . . When I feel more than disappointment, when I also feel anger, it’s because I deviated from my truth. It’s because I compromised my truth to get what somebody else promised. Because when I’m really following my truth, I will be at peace with the consequences—whatever they are . . . .~ Jan Denise
Gigglicious: Another New Word that Works
Ah. Summer. The hot, slow, relaxed, and silly feeling. When the joy simply cannot be contained. Ah. Summer—my favorite season. I would be happy as a clam (summer clambakes for sure) to live where summer were the only season. So, I do what I can to live a summer-like life every day. Summer makes me feel so Gigglicious. That’s right, I am at it again. Gigglicious is another word I believe belongs in the dictionary. (See my other words that add richness to language, Freeling & Yessence). Gigglicious emerged as a word that works. 
To me, Gigglicious decribes the feeling and the moment of summer. The cool of the pond. The smell of the lawn. I invite you to reclaim that summer feeling. Imagine yourself as 8 years old. Remember playing outside where everything was fun, running through sprinklers, and the song of the ice cream truck coming down your road, which they still do here in the U.S.? What are some of your favorite summer moments?
You may be thinking, yes, Gigglicious is fun. Yet, how can it help me in business? It has been said that we only need to look at what we loved most at the ages of 7 or 8 to know our life’s work or mission. Gigglicious takes us back to that place. Did you enjoy putting on plays as a child? Perhaps your calling is costumes or event planning? Did you love to play in the woods, getting dirty? Perhaps you are meant to be a landscape designer or do environmental consulting.
What is Gigglicious?
- Gigglicious is used to describe a person, place, or moment that is silly.
- Gigglicious is laughing at yourself and the world
- Gigglicious is smiling and dancing like the summer will never end.
Consider the senses of Gigglicious:
- Sight—See the fireworks of Gigglicious
- Sound—Hear your laughter as an 8 year old in the word Gigglicious
- Smell—Breathe in the scent of a summer rain, or freshly cut lawn in Gigglicious
- Taste—Savor the sweet refreshing treat from the ice cream truck as you lick Gigglicious
- Touch—Feel the heat and warmth of the sun in Gigglicious
- Kinesthetic—Dance in the sprinkler to the energy of Gigglicious
Gigglicious is a word created so one word makes a difference. Explore adding Gigglicious to your business coaching, life coaching and group coaching vocabulary. How would Gigglicious make your clients feel? Where would it take them?
What makes you giggle? Would love you to share your most Gigglicious moment in the comments below.
Space: Essential for Growth and Freedom
In the United States we celebrated Independence Day two days ago. By this time in the summer we are witness to the robust growth of spring garden seedlings that burst through in the summer. We celebrate freedom and “corn as high as the Fourth of July.” As the seasons change, so does the world around us. This year we’ve witnessed the growth and momentum of political changes in the Middle East. As a small business owner, are you feeling pinched as citizens in the Middle East did? Where can you call for freedom in your business?
Nature’s exuberance is often riotous and unfocused. An effective gardener knows when to prune back new growth from areas that will not benefit the plant, and to train new shoots in desired directions. An effective gardener also knows that weeding is essential because the process provides space for the plants we want and need to thrive. Individuals in the Middle East were gardeners. Small business owners are gardeners.
Like a crowded garden needs weeding, training and pruning, so does a business. For example, one of my recent business coaching client discussions centered on the topic of her business relationships. The relationships she had cultivated were not honoring the direction she wanted for her business. However, once she gave herself permission to clear her business space of clients and prospects that did not fit her direction, she opened up exponential room for those that did. In fact, she signed up two new clients within days of clearing space for them! She was able to get the growth she wanted and is better able to serve her clients because she became clear about what she wants and what she is able to give.
Experiment with this guided visioning exercise to see how your body reacts to the idea of growth and space.
- Draw a circle around you representing time.
- Envision the quarter circle in front of you as the future.
Is it crowded? Do you become physically uncomfortable, tight in your body or cramped because the future is full of demands that could stunt your business growth and blunt your freedom?
Allow yourself to clear the space of relationships, clients, and tasks that no longer are aligned with your values and your purpose. Do you feel expansive and energetic? Clearing space allows room for new, positive developments to flourish.
Clearing space can be scary. Sometimes, we think we must accept every prospect that comes along and hold on tightly to existing clients. Being the gardener, your business needs to grow in positive ways, which means attracting clients whose values align with yours. Take this opportunity to prune the branches (existing business relationships) that are not what you want or desire, and pinch the leaves (prospective clients) that sap the life from the main stem of your business. When you clear space, you will feel a swish of fresh air, like you’ve opened a window on a sunny, breezy day, because you are now in alignment with what you want your business to be.
Want business growth and personal freedom? Create the space in your business to flourish.
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ A. Nin
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